Monday, July 18

Friendly, but not really helpful

First off I am going to say that this day went from "tired on the couch" kind of day to "wildly frustrating" in the span of a few hours. I went to a cancer support group tonight (Can Hope) that is held at our church. I'm going to be up front about it: probably one of the most frustrating evenings I have had in a very long time. Maybe it's me. Maybe "my generation" finds encouragement in other ways. I don't know. I think being one of the younger ones in the room (there was one other guy there who might have been around my age, but he'd been clear of cancer for over half his life and said he couldn't really remember when he had it.) also didn't help. Phrases like, "I was diagnosed when I was 66 and here I am 12 years later!" were kind of grating.

I feel like "success stories" of cancer are a little strange to me, especially when you are telling me to trust God because He's the only one that heals. How about we talk about what you're doing now, or doing differently since you've had cancer. How did it change you? Don't just tell me "I beat it when they said I didn't have a chance!" and then sit down again.

Great, statistically I have a packed cluster of ice crystal's chance in hades, and I am sure you could have filled that room with people who had higher chances of success than I have that didn't make it, so obviously you've survived, how about you tell me what is different about your life now, or what you've learned from it, instead of saying that you lived, and continue to live. WHY!? What is the purpose? There are a HUNDRED things I feel like I have to live for, to do, to see, WHY do you feel it's necessary to tell me you survived? What are you doing with that extra time!?

(And why, oh why God can't I have it?)


~B.
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