Friday, November 9

struggles

As I go through these cancer treatments I am faced with a couple of emotional struggles that make me ask questions. One of these struggles has been with the issue of God being Good and Kind. It seems from my limited human perspective that if God were good and kind that I would not be suffering from such a rare form of cancer. However I counter myself with all this in knowing that I have a very limited view of life, of just MY life in general.

I guess I can see God's goodness as well in my life when I take a more subtle look at things. Support from people; prayers and food and letters, having medical insurance, catching this when we did. I say this a lot, but it's true: I don't know the outcome of this but I am working hard to be who God wants me to be so that after this I can do what God wants me to do as effectively as He wants me to do it.

~B.

3 comments:

  1. You should read Bob Rasmussen's book. It deals a lot with the questions with which you are wrestling.

    Just remember, God is never angered by your wrestlings. I believe He's actually leading you in these questions to draw you into a deeper understanding of His character.

    Jim Wright quoted a verse the other day when he and I were talking: "For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." As you know, these words came from Paul, who'd been beaten, whipped, stoned, shipwrecked, etc. Paul looked toward the unseen glory, in spite of his painful circumstances. I pray that the Lord will give you the grace to do the same.

    Love,
    Mom

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  2. Hi Ben,
    Got caught up on some of your recent entries. Thanks for journaling outloud for us to be able to track with you. Lyn and I often pray for you and Lisa as we retire at night (that's old-speak for go to sleep); and I have a pic of you and your bride as my background on my laptop as a reminder to pray for you. I don't think we'll make your Nov 25 prayer meeting as we'll be driving back from Cali from Thanksgiving; can you believe we'll be taking a puppy in the car with us; dumb!

    Anyhow, I don't know where I want to go with this thought, but the phrase "rare cancer" caught my attention as I read your post. Two things....what is rare to a doctor is a specialty to God; nothing is rare to Him; he knows the inception of a disease as if it has existed for a millennia...in fact, it probably has. So take heart that God isn't trying to do research on this thing you have; He has it nailed and will deal with it in a way that brings most glory to Him and honor/maturity to you and Lisa.

    The other thing floating somewhere in my mind...undefined... has to do with the way God works in people; I'm not referring to a spiritual caste system; but with some people, God seems to work in rather "common" ways; they have average lives that go pretty much according to their plan; and without being judgmental, their relationship with God is also pretty common; you ask to pray with them and you get "God bless the missionaries and God bless my family" type of prayers. Blaach! Then there are some rare ways God chooses to work with a few; picks their faces out of a crowd and says, that's a special one with whom I want to go deeper; what does He do? Calls them to a challenging place, maybe a tough assignment in their job or ministry; usually a form of suffering. What does this rare work produce? Attitudes and prayers like, "Lord, my life is in your hands; I trust you even tho I don't fully understand you; just let me glorify you no matter what happens." Stuff like that, rare treasures.

    Rare cancer. Rare treasure. I do not regret for a second that God chose Lyn and our family for such rarity; it has changed us. I see that rare work in you and your family (and I suspect a very few close friends); I hope you can see that God has taken you off the common shelf and decided to do something difficult in you so as to make you into something rare.

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  3. Ben,

    Your struggles related to the goodness & kindness of God are understandable. I think there was a guy in the O.T. who struggled with similar questions. A thought for you to ponder: Apart from your physical health, in what ways does it appear that God has not been good. On the flip side, if you weren't sick with cancer, do would you have the same struggles? Maybe you see where I'm getting at.

    The physical realm of what is going on in our bodies is just one part of a whole realm. Think about your spiritual blessings-hope, forgiveness, adoption, security, The Word of God, The Church, heaven, etc. etc. etc.

    Someone once told me that when the light of God's goodness becomes dim, we only need to slightly turn the diamond of our lives so that the beautiful rays of His goodness shine brightly through a different facet.

    We pray for you and Lisa regularly. You struggles are part of what God is using to draw you closer to Him. Find the fruit of peseverance to be sweet. God will honor it.

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