Wednesday, December 20

Powerless in Seattle - Worst movies

Actually it's more like powerless in Bellevue. Here we are at Day 6 of no power. Both sets of parents now have power and Lisa and I are hoping to be in the light sometime before the weekend.

But in the interim I wanted to present a list of the top 5 worst movies I have ever (as far as I remember) seen. (being as I saw one last night) And these are in no certain order:

Good Fences: Somewhere on the packaging this was billed as a comedy. It was awkward, unfunny, and overly dramatic. Think Crash minus the moral lesson and plot. I never made it all the way through because it was so pointless.

With Six you get Egg roll: The movie pace is confused to the max. Whoever was cutting this film didn't know when TO cut. Start with a slow moving beginning, a title that makes no sense to the film, add pointless and chemistry-less romance scenes, and finally wrap it all up with a bunch of hippies (I kid you not) and you have this film. Thank fully it was only an hour and a half.

2001: A Space Odyssey: The problem with this movie is its complete lack of talking and all the crazy, drug induced colors with an ending that makes you wonder what on earth (or in space) is going on. This movie wouldn't have made it onto my worst movies ever list had it been about 2 hours shorter. As it is 2.5 hours long that is a span of time I can never get back. A friend of mine from High School re-cut the movie and took out a WHOLE hour and added techno music. At an hour and a half WITH techno music it was still seemed t be lacking. (No fault of Dan mind you.)

The Fountain: It could be that this film failed to do anything for me because I was waiting for it for more than a year. However the company that released it could have done us ALL a favor and simply not released it. The movie covers three time periods, the 1500's, which is a story, the 2000's which is reality, and 2500's, which is the same guy from the "reality" 2000's? The movie seemed confused in its handling of the past present and future. What was it trying to say? There is life in death. There I just saved you the time and money required to see the movie.

And for the last two it's a tie, and both of them adaptations:

Sphere and Titus: 1st, Sphere: This thing has plot holes big enough to WALK through. The idea was interesting enough, but I think it was inspired by something Michael Crichton spit onto a napkin at some highbrow eating establishment in downtown LA one evening.
2nd, Titus: This movie is based off of the play Titus Andronicus by Shakespeare. Now I don't mind Shakespeare, in fact I'm something of a fan. As gruesome as Mr. Speare can be I haven't ever felt the urge to throw up. Titus had two moments where the onscreen violence was so horrible that I had to stop the movie and walk around a bit to stop myself from being sick. (Not to mention the fact that there is this kind of odd opening sequence with a kid in a kitchen, who then wanders into Roman times.)

So there are roughly some of the worst movies I have ever put myself through. Hopefully this will serve as a warning to you. What are some of the worst movies you've ever seen?

~B.

3 comments:

  1. I would add "Babe, Pig in the City" to the list.
    I'm glad to see that you didn't include "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"! That movie is awesome-- maybe you realize that now?

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  2. Sphere was a decent book, especially if you like Michael Crichton. I went through a phase in high school where I read many of his books. But I distinctly recall being thoroughly disappointed with the movie adaptation.

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  3. Most of the times the original works are much better than the 2 hour "fix" they do to the story. So I can't fault the original source material I can only fault the final outcome.

    ~Ben

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