After shuffling around the house all day in socks the static buildup tends to be large. Today however is the first time I have ever reached out for something and seen an inch and a half spark (blue, complete with fork) leap from my finger to the thing I was about to touch. Make a loud pop sound and I decided to stop touching things.
My friend Wes is over from Cali for an extended weekend. We started the day with a breakfast and a little chat, then some xbox, then some DS, then made BLT sandwiches for lunch, then it was more DS and a movie before dinner.
It's been good hanging out, I really don't know that I have the energy for it, but hopefully that means I will sleep well tomorrow.
Thanks for the continued prayer support. I've been realizing lately how much people interaction means to me these days. Wes being here, even though I feel fairly sore I really want to hang out. Hey, even the infusion center is a place I don't mind going so much because the nurses there are all so nice. My dad called the other night and we talked for almost/ at least an hour. My introversion might be starting to come to a point where I need to break it up a bit more. (8 days straight inside without talking to to many people is probably a bit much.)
(Question: why does my hair fall out so easily, but it still hurts like crazy when I pull a bandade off?)
(Question 2: Did you catch the pun in the title!?)
I'm going to bed before this gets crazy. Thanks everyone!
~B.
He's got potential!
A humorous conversation
Lisa had some rough starts this week to her morning, sleeping in past her alarm, so the past few days I have been helping. Yesterday making alarm sounds, and today showing off the booming power of the new speaker system. Which lead to this conversation:
L: You can turn that down if you want to keep listening.
B: Music doesn't get turned down in this house! It only goes up!
L: Then this is going to be a problem.
B: I bet you're thinking you should have encouraged me to buy a video camera instead right about now huh?
In all seriousness though (that conversation wasn't) it's been great to be able to listen to music again in a non-head-phoned way. It's probably been close to 4 years since I have been able to do that. (And I don't know that the car counts, as those speakers are really only a step up on the laptop)
Anyway, it brings me back to my childhood and as I sit here on the couch, typing, trying not to be in pain, gazing out the window, or numerous other things, I can now listen to music while doing them. (Unless it's watching a movie... that could get distracting)
Health wise (because what blog entry wouldn't be complete without one of those?) I'm in a lot of pain. The lack of potassium and magnesium in my body, despite my best efforts at keeping them high all week, seem to not be working. I called the doctor yesterday after lunch, and then sent an email after 5pm. Still haven't heard anything, but I am hopeful he'll call sometime this morning. If he doesn't, well then I will call when they are "open" again.
My friend Wes from HS is going to be visiting this weekend, and I think it would be really nice not to be in large amounts of pain the whole time he is here. (Call me crazy)
Prayer please for today that I can get into the infusion center and get the whole potassium, magnesium with side orders going. I am also massively tired, can't seem to sleep past 6, and "sleep" starts getting rocky about 3am. It's like I'm coming in from a sleep landing and it takes 3 hours to get there.
Enough attempting to be funny (it's my coping mechanism!) I'm going to sit here quietly now and hope my heart doesn't burst out of my chest and go somewhere less painful. Thanks team.
~B.
Contention
"God has said,
"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."
So we say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?""
-Hebrews 13:5,6
Of all the things I forget, and need to be reminded of most often it is the above two lines; "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So many times I sit here and think that my life is doomed because I haven't petitioned God enough to heal me. As if I need to be the little kid: "Dad? Dad? Hey Dad? Daaaad! Dad? Are you listening Dad? Dad! Look at me Dad! Look what I can do Dad! Dad?"
And what does that verse say? That verse says that God already knows. I don't need to keep thinking that if I don't mention healing me that God is going to forget to do it, or it's not going to happen. What, I'll die and get to heaven and God will be like, "Whops, what are you doing here?"
Not, of course, that we are supposed to stop asking God for things. I just think about my attitude when I have been out of it for a week or more and I am thinking I am somehow behind now.
This also puts God in a much more loving light. Yes, God is love, but if you imagine that you have to keep trying to get His attention out of several BILLION people you can't really believe there is much love there. Or if you think you are hiding in billions of people and God doesn't notice you. But if He will never leave us or forsake us, it's like those billions of people disappear and it's me and God. Like He's sitting right here on the couch with me. It's not a contest between me and billions of other people for His attention. It's me and God.
~B.
This week
"Praise the Lord. How good it is to sing praises to our God, how pleasant and fitting to praise him! He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain and makes grass grow on the hills. His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love."
-Psalm 147:1,3,8,10
This verse struck me this morning for several reasons: It talks about supplying the earth with rain. It's snowed a lot here this winter, but it hasn't been warm enough to rain here yet. The weather forcaster is saying that it's supposed to rain sometime this week, which would be great. Snow is beautiful, and the sun is energizing, but rain, rain is nourishing.
In a lot of ways I feel like this past week has been a week of rain for me. So many people turned out to help move me around, provide food and be there for me. It nourished me in ways I didn't realize I needed. I think it started to loosen up the possible despair I was working up to. To be honest as well this weekend I was "healthier" than I think I have ever been on a post-chemo weekend. I was very fatigued, yes but I was more mentally aware than I have been in a long time. I am going into this week feeling pretty up-beat that I won't have potassium problems, or other things that might send me back to the infusion center before my next round of chemo.
I could say that this has something to do with a positive outlook on life and a desire to fight back, but lets be honest. First of all it is the strength God has given me. But do you know where that is coming from and in what form? You. Your support strengthens me and gives me the hope and the desire to fight that I can not generate on my own. John Donne said that no man is an island. I could not believe that more than this week. You are the city of my support, and I could not do it without your prayers, your words of encouragement, the transportations, the conversations, the meals, the phone calls, the visits, the invites and so much more.
Thank you.
~B.
Haven't moved
Hey Folks, I have heard from several different sources that some of you think we have moved to Texas. No offense to the Texan readers out there, BUT, there is seriously no chance I would ever move to Texas of my own free will. (Which probably amounts to me just saying something like, "Send me anywhere Lord, just don't send me to _________________ (country)!" and ending up in _____________ (country).
We make semi frequent trips down there to see my "expert" in my cancer, Dr. Ludwig, but that is about the only moving we will do in that direction. Colorado might get cold, but at least I see the sun. Summer's here have been AMAZINGLY nice. We could use a touch more rain in the spring, but other than that, I like this place a lot.
I went into the infusion center today to get my Neulasta shot. (Which is that creepy medication that will sit in your body until your white blood cell count gets too low and then it will leap into action and do its thing. (Which is boosting white blood cells)) Last time I was sick I was getting 2 shots of Neupigen (sp) a day which is like the dumb older brother of Neulasta. ne works all the time and the other only works when it has to.
ANYWAY, I went in to get my shot yesterday and the nurse (who is like a clone of my best friend's wife (Jane)) greeted us and said I was looking a lot better. I told her I was there for the shot and getting my port de-accessed and that was it. She was shocked. You don't need hydration? Or anti-nausea meds? Or pain killer? No to all three. They were shocked and they did their thing in under 25 minutes and I was out. I think maybe they were hoping for a bit more. Sounds like they had everything ordered up already.
But yes, this week was both high and low, and surprisingly this Sunday I have a bunch of mental energy and I am very awake. I guess we'll see how this week goes. I am sore though...
A big thanks to Diane, Sandra, Floyd, and Keith this week for helping with food and transportation. You guys really lifted by spirits this week and made working easier for Lisa. And of course a big thank you to Lisa for being supportive as my energy/ emotions/ attitude rock back and fourth.
A technical note: I am working on moving the blog and so there could be times where you won't see it or it won't come up. I'll keep my Twitter feed updated if the site goes down. (Which publishes to Facebook as well.
Thanks for all the support as I trudge through this!
~B.
